High Holidays and Holy Hell

In honour of the muslim holiday of Ramalamadingdong, President George W. Bush has nominated the "Arnold Schwarzenegger is more conservative than me" Harriet Miers to the Peanut Gallery- er- Supreme Court. What CNN didn't show you: After the nomination was announced, Bush and Miers did the hand-jive to celebrate.

Undersecretary of State Karen Hughes has proclaimed George W. Bush to be the messiah of the muslims, declaring that Palestinian Statehood was all his idea. Bush's off-the-record comment: "Wow, Jesus is gonna totally kick my ass if you keep sayin' that, Karen! Hush up!" What Fox News didn't show you: Karen Hughes promulgating the gossip while trying on holiday burqas at J.C. Pally's in downtown Gaza City.

Washing your hands will take on a whole new meaning once Pay By Touch is implemented in retail stores nation wide. What Drudge didn't tell you: The dark lord and master satan will be buying new white Nikes for the event, and promises to bring plenty of Kool Aid to the after party, which will be held at Stalin's House, 666 Ninth Ring, Hell. Feel free to call for directions.

According to Israpundit, Iran has "warned" Israel against taking out their nuclear facilities like they did in 1981, saying that if Israel were to take such a measure, Iran would "teach her a lesson she will never forget." What YNetNews didn't tell you: Further comments by Iranian officials included "Like, I swear!", "So's your mom!", and "Let's make like a martyr and split!" Ed. Note: In the name of all Jews everywhere, BOOGEDY BOOGEDY!!!!