The New Cynicism

The 60s Libs believe that their best weapon is to cast a cynical eye on our established truths. In public secret (the kind whispered about as fact among lemmings) they believe their hatred will be their saving grace. Their fatal mistake is that they confuse cynicism to be the cognitive expression of hatred; it is, in reality, the cognitive expression of truth frustrated beyond belief. The Mo Dowdfuls of the world believe a sub-locution titled “The World Sucks” (and possessing what many believe to be a French-sounding accent) is enough to convince society they are in the right, but it is the Ann Coulters of society, with the eloquence of irony, that make truth undeniable to a world gone mad.

As the newest generation of Conservatives, we are far from the alligator-patched Young Republicans of recent history. In fact, we are the New Cynics, converts to a philosophy that has spared us from MTV-Gen-Y defeat. We are those who have been trained to view the world with a suspicious eye and give it a good tongue-lashing on more than one public occasion. We have been taught to break stereotypes, so our blazers are a bit tighter, our ties a bit funkier, and while our jaws have been hinged in the proper direction, our tongues still lash out from time to time; these qualities, especially the last in the bunch, are far from horrible things! We can be more than pessimistic, apathetic, foul-mouthed fire-breathers who are contented to be steadily angry and unfulfilled; the modern-day conspiracy theorists who are waiting in the wings to fill the therapy chairs before they get cold from the last generation’s clientele. Our sarcastic wit and cynicism can save others and us from the crisis of liberal defeatism!

We can, and I believe that we must apply our cynicism combined with our intellect to further the cause of Conservatism if it is to flourish into this up-and-coming generation of young political minds; our own history proves this to be truth. When Patrick Henry spoke to the Virginia Revolutionary Committee in the midst of growing discontent in 1775, he compared the existing form of government—a monarchy gone mad—to slavery; you don’t get any more cynical than that! His speech, which has now been titled “The War Inevitable”, roused the Statesmen around him to approve the arming of the militia. Among those legislators was a young Thomas Jefferson, who would pen the greatest document in our country’s history by the time he was 33 years old.

This is a battle of ideologies, where the double-entendre will act as the two-edged sword of truth that whisks away our enemy but spares our right wing its cunning. We are the ones who must carry our triumphant past into the future, and one of our greatest weapons that will help us forge the way is our cynical wit. Our wit is not a hindrance; in fact, we must keep our wit about us not only to survive, but also to flourish!